She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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