All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
