and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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