i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
