i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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