Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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