I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was like giving head to a cactus.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
