i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
