Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
