So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
