Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
