; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
her vagine was all disorganized.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
