I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
