I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
