Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
