Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
