Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
