And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
