don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
