She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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