My underwear smells like fireworks.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
