An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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