Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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