all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
