I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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