another moral hangover. fuck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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