if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
