Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
