You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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