question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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