playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
