All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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