you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
