I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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