there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
