You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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