In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
