Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
