Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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