My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
