I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
