I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
