listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
