Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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