I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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