the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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