why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
