Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I deserve this hangover.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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