I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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