Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
