Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize